If It Compromises Your Mental State, Let It Go

let-it-go

Searching for a job after graduating college can be tough. I spent months completing hundreds of job applications in and outside my field but no one would hire me. Finally, after six months, I got a job. It was not in my field nor what I wanted to do but it paid well and I needed the experience to get something better down the line.

I was only supposed to be a seasonal employee but once I started, I realized I liked the job and was good at what was asked of me. Not putting my degree to use did not seem as bad because I had great coworkers, managers, and caring customers. It made me want to be a permanent employee and establish longevity with the company. I asked my manager if I could have a lasting position and before I knew it, I was two years in the game working in sales.

Despite all the changes in management and policies and procedures, I loved working for the company. I was making good money, I made new friends, and my customers showered me with gifts. I was happy going to work. But when I transferred my position to a different state because of grad school, everything changed.

The new management was not like what I used to. They did not care about my well-being or my success. No matter how much I put my entire life on hold, how many things I sacrificed, how much I gave, how hard I tried, or did whatever I had to do to make myself and the company look good, it wasn’t enough.

I did not feel appreciated or like any of my managers cared if I was their employee or not. This made me hate going to work. I would wake up every day and cry because I had to spend eight hours or more in an environment where people did not want me to be. I started to hate everything about the company. I was stressed every day, gained weight, and my blood pressure was through the roof. There were so many times where I would burst into tears and have to step into the back to pull myself together. My mental health was being affected right before my eyes.

It is not a great feeling knowing you have to go to a place and be around people that compromise your mental state. You know you cannot leave because it pays your bills and helps you have a semi-nice lifestyle. That is what screws with your head. You go back and forth with yourself about what is best for you. Finally, you ask yourself, do I protect my mental health or do I suck it up and deal with it? I chose to protect my mental health.

After almost three years with the company, I quit. I was at my breaking point and could not deal with the stress anymore. I did not like waking up every day being depressed and crying all the time. I wanted to know what happiness felt like again.

The decision to quit my job was not easy. I did not have a back-up plan or a new job waiting for me. It was tough trying to come up with money to pay my bills, which, at times, made me feel guilty for walking away.

In spite of the burdens that were and still are thrown at me since leaving my job, I am happy. I still have my own personal demons but overall my mental health is better because I walked away. I found a job that fits me perfectly and aligns with my career goals. While I am not making nearly as much as I used, I am the best version of myself.

No job, amount of money, person, or thing is worth ruining your mental health or emotional state. You have to protect it at all cost. If something jeopardizes your frame of mind, let it go. It is not going to be easy, trust me. Walking away can tamper with your disposition as well. But you have to trust that your decision to choose your happiness is the best thing you can do. Have faith that the storm will past and something greater is coming.

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