I Ain’t Saying He a Gold Digger … No, Wait. He is.


Three years ago, I was involved with a guy that I met during undergrad. We were good friends and decided to take it to the next level during the summer. I always knew he was a fuckboy but I chose to ignore his fuckboy tendencies because, in many ways, I was lonely and wanted attention. As the summer progressed, I started to notice things about him that I overlooked before.

He was a full-blown freeloader.

I always had to go pick him up anytime we hung out and he didn’t have a job (He’s in the National Guard. It’s a “job” but not a full-time paying one). If we wanted something to eat, it was me who paid for the both of us, and if he asked for money, I gave it to him. Although I knew I should walk away and stop giving my money to somebody who would possibly never be who I wanted them to be, I continued to keep him in within arm’s reach because, in my mind, it was better to ignore the red flags than to be alone.

Over the course of the time we were involved I gave him over $200, paid to get his phone cut back on, and got him a brand-new iPhone (Yes, I was stupid. Don’t remind me). A week after putting him on my phone plan, he told me that he had to move two states away because he got called into “active duty” and had to leave the following week. I knew this was a lie because nobody in the National Guard gets called into active duty unless it’s an emergency or a war is going on. Neither was happening at the time. Still, I ignored the obvious lie.

Once he moved, I used my investigation skills and found out that he didn’t move to another state because he was called into active duty, but to be with another girl and her three-year-old son and the money I gave him was used to take her out on a date. I was LIVID, to the least.

He moved to another state with another bitch, used the phone that I pay for to communicate with her, AND had the nerve to take her out on a date with my money?

When I found out, all I wanted to do was pull up on him and the girl and go off. I was not going to let him get away with basically using me to give this girl the illusion that he could take care of. It was MY money that allowed him to treat her. I wanted her to know that it was me taking care of her, not his lazy freeloading ass. But I took it all as a sign that God was removing him from my life before it went any further and I wound up taking care of a man who didn’t have any means to take care of me.

The guy ended up moving back to my home state because the girl kicked him out. It was clear that sis was tired of taking care of him based on her social media posts. Not too long after, he got in a relationship with another female and started mooching off of her. Now, he floats from job-to-job, home-to-home, painting this picture that he is the greatest significant other when in actuality he doesn’t have the capacity to be one.

After I realized he does this to every female he’s involved with, I stop beating myself up and forgave myself. I still owned up to my part in the situation, but I refused to continue to blame myself for his gold digging, freeloading ass.

The sad part about my story is that it’s all too common. We as women, especially Black women, latch onto gold-digger-type guys and try to save and take care of them. We act like their mothers, hoping they will treat us the way we treat them while they give us the attention we so badly long to have from the opposite sex.

If you have to pay to keep him in your life, it isn’t meant to be. Genuine and authentic feelings for someone shouldn’t cost you a dime. Don’t give away your money or open the doors to your house for a guy who refuses to take care himself and wants to mooch off of your hard work.

It’s not worth it, sis.

Don’t let your loneliness get the best of you.

And if you’re wondering, yes, I got my phone back.


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